But for the purposes of this post I may want to mention that I moved...again. Completely unexpectedly. In less than two weeks. With my car continuously breaking down. August was stressful.
Anyway. The reason this is important is because where I moved was my sister and her fiance's house. We'd been talking about it for a little while and due to just a bunch of crap happening all at once it happened much sooner than expected. But it's been awesome so far, despite the fact that within the first month of my living there Kristin had burst into my room and began singing opera. Twice. Then I started locking my door and she whined outside of it and called me a 'meanie'.
And yet we are still considered adults...
Sam, for his part, is a ridiculously evil mastermind of ridiculousness. He often comes across as the only sane, adult one of the group, but do not let that fool you. There's a reason he and Kristin are together.
Sam also likes video games.
Sam loves video games.
Sam would marry video games if he didn't love Kristin so much.
When he's not busy with law school or entertaining Kristin (meaning that I'M having to entertain Kristin) he will sit at his computer and talk to his friends while they kill zombies and such together.
Now, online gaming is nothing new and the theory of it shouldn't come as a shock. But when I was growing up and would watch my older brother play games, he never played online. So I'm not exactly used to people talking to their computers and such.
So when one evening I'm sitting on the sofa in the living room drawing pictures and I start hearing Sam talk...my first assumption is that he's talking to me.
"You have to bop the clowns on the nose."
After the initial confusion of him saying random things out of nowhere and then apparently not caring about my answer, I realized that he's playing a game and was probably talking to someone online. This was reassuring because it meant that I didn't have to tell Kristin that her fiance had gone insane. That kind of news always put a damper on the relationship.
I had gotten this all mentally sorted, was going to go back to drawing...then he started talking again.
And here's the thing...I had no idea what he was playing because I couldn't see the screen from where I was sitting. So all I had to go on was his part of a conversation that I couldn't hear, about a situation that I couldn't see.
All of this has been to get to the point of this entire post.
Because while a normal person might have just asked what he was playing, I just kept on replying and writing it all down. And with me being such a generous person, I thought I would share.
"At the end a gnome pops up" I'm sorry? What? What game is this?
"Hey where's the gnome? Yeah, Chomsky." Gnome...Chomsky...well aren't you clever.
"Don't shoot the peanuts. Yeah we all can." I feel that this statement is sending mixed signals.
"HEY! Don't shoot the peanut!" YOU CAN'T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE.
"CHOOOMMMMSKKYYY!!!! I MISSED YOU CHOMSKY!"
"You can't shoot a weapon and keep the gnome. It's like using a gas can." I do not have any idea what this means...
"Hey, you want a katana? I found one in here." Because it's common knowledge that those just lay about.
"Does someone have to carry him the whole way, or can one of us carry him?" This question makes no sense.
"Oh...a fire grenade...but I have a guitar already..." I don't understand why this is a difficult decision.
"Maybe he self destructed." Wut. Why are things spontaneously combusting?
"Hey, where's the witch? If I run fast enough I might can pop her." So she's a balloon? Or are you calling her fat?
"Shooooot it didn't work." Aaaand now you have a SUPER pissed off witch, don't you?
"Run for it dudes, I'm dead." You're handling this VERY well, Sam.
"You're like a running back with that gnome, man. Just running through these crowds."
"Hit up that tunnel of love" Excuse me? Hit what?
"It's the clown zombies, their shoes squeak." What form of hell were you sent to, Sam? Why are you in a tunnel of love with clown zombies? Does Kristin know about this?
"Arms and feet inside at all times." I think you've gone insane.
"It's like metal gear solid back here." ...I'm not sure I heard that correctly...
"Make sure you have Chomsky tight. Hold him tight now." If you lose Chomsky, Sam, I will never forgive you.
I have grown an emotional attachment to Chomsky now, Sam. You better protect that gnome.
"Basically we have to fight off a hoard and then we run through some gates. Usually there's gas cans around here...but I don't see any." What in the world are you using all of these gas cans for, Sam?
"Oh shoot, yeah you got to grab him." Is that Chomsky? IS HE OKAY?
"Hang on I can give you an adrenaline shot. WAIT. DANG IT!" I think Sam is experiencing some difficulties.
"Maybe we weren't supposed to go in here? I don't see any way ou- OH FU----" I think that pretty much answers your previous question.
Something I have learned in all of this, Sam, is that you are horrible at giving directions.
"You guys want to call it quits?" NOT UNTIL YOU FIND CHOMSKY AND MAKE SURE HE'S OKAY. YOU GOT THAT?
He apparently couldn't hear me through his headphones so I just kept replying and posting everything online for other people to enjoy.
This went on for a good amount of time. It wasn't until he stopped playing and Kristin came in to ask why he'd gone insane that he found out what I'd been doing.
I regret nothing.
No comments:
Post a Comment